‘Do you want to know a secret?’ – This was the cover for Time magazine’s year end special. It was a symbol for all the crying we have done over the year in search for secrets or leaks that we really shouldn’t have cared about.
This year everything leaked, from the BP oil spill leading to weird looking spheres of oil all over the Gulf of Mexico to Julian Assange’s attempt to tell us how important it is to know what the President of ‘God-knows-which-Land’ thinks about Americans and their bad sense of fashion. We saw the Icelandic volcano erupt, saw Angelina Jolie’s east-worldly babies peeing on camera, heard Mel Gibson scream at his mother on the phone, and the cherry was Ratan Tata talking about his second cousin’s uncle and how his shoes always smell in the room on the telephone. And we took this conversation to court too, to keep our judges interested in Tata’s niece. The poor man is now fighting for his privacy. Nice leaking.
Now trapped between a moribund routine and Archie Mathur’s flaming hot presence in our corridors, I have decided to monopolise this consumer commodity, this populist demand of leaking secrets and overflowing emotions arising from such.
First I needed an important entity that would be affected the most if its idiosyncrasies and quirks are released. Somebody I can focus on and leak stuff about. Wikileaks took America as their target, but the people working there frankly have a lot more money than I have and by the looks of the sex charges, a lot of hot girls too. I on the flip side, am unemployed, broke and sexually frustrated. I thought about big political leaders, film actors, Sachin and for a minute even my maid Sunheri who seems to have a lot of money to spend on jewellery. But then considering my resources and lack of agents and spies, I narrowed down my leaking sphere to the four walls of the college.
Yes, this is why dreaming big never works.
Now to choose a candidate, I thought I should have a genuine interest in him/her. This way there will be less fiction and more fact in the leaks I design. The person has to be important, rich, married and most importantly hated by more than 80% of the people the person knows.
Yes, it had to be the VC. He’s not only on our lips for at least 5 occurrences in a day, but we honestly hate him and I think he hates us too.
And because the VC is always on campus, was part of a government investigation commission once which failed miserably (more on that later), and almost entirely un-intelligent, I thought my one-man-army of a brain would be able to get enough dirt from under his hood.
Now because I hate everyone who is rich and in command of 300 girls out of which at least 3 are hot, I plan to be honest and speedy in my leaking.
The leaks will start anytime now and all you comrades of mine from this yellow stone college will be rewarded with these shocking truths.
Let the leaking begin.
-The Leakboy
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