Whats happening again?

Recent Unearthed leaks from NLU’s inside walls: 

•  An insider from the Time-table committee has admitted that the current long breaks in the time-table were implemented with expert advise from Joshi Ji, who apparently has hidden stakes if students come back to the mess from the acad block after every class. A certain Lemon Tea showed booming sales. Joshi JI bought himself new underwear, black goggles and his wife a saree. The insider says that certain samosas and nimbooz delivered on the table by Gopi, while the time-table was being formulated did the trick in Ganga’s favour.  

•   A certain second year girl has started writing a blog about her sufferings in NLU. Smart chick. She’s capitalising on our emotional sides. Melodrama and teenage problems. Yeah to that. (Read: I’m telling you, Lady Gaga night would be a success).

• The Intra University mooting culture was seen in all its full glory as friends turned to bitches and retired to late library hours for the Moot selections. Another sad commentary on our petty competitive selves. The MCC was happy to allot certain moots that had already taken place, and as usual, give high memorial scores to all good-looking women of our college.

• VS Shastri has admitted in a private interview that he calls all the shots when it comes to probably any decision in the college. He as chairman of the time-table committee has also wowed that he’ll have early morning classes in the university till he’s alive. “The process of learning gets intensified if people haven’t been able to get a decent dump in the morning” he told me secretly on the phone. His next plans are to have group therapy sessions for the troubled ammas and betas of NLU.

  

NLU this month, in Quotes:

“Enough is Enough” – Archi Mathur, on me when I kept staring at her in the corridor as I’m in love with her.

“I love these boys... and their girls” – N N Mathur, on referring to the students at the convocation.

“We are just friends” – Manisha Mirdha, on one of the students in her class.

“Paisa dedo warna account inflate kardunga” – Dilp from DMD, on my face, yesterday.

“All of them are our slaves” – Malana Super Cream, during a recent candid interview with Jodhpur cops.

“I want to inculcate a spirit for outdoor sports and football field activities.” – Vatsal Gaur, on being obnoxious/himself.

“Get Idea... recharge for me.” – Sauvik Chatterji, to all boys interested in getting marks.

“I give you the platform for 30 seconds” – VS Shastri, after being asked a question in his class.

“I give him the platform for 30 seconds” – Leela, on being questioned on her husband.

VcLeaks begins - A new chapter in NLU's lame history

 ‘Do you want to know a secret?’ – This was the cover for Time magazine’s year end special. It was a symbol for all the crying we have done over the year in search for secrets or leaks that we really shouldn’t have cared about.

This year everything leaked, from the BP oil spill leading to weird looking spheres of oil all over the Gulf of Mexico to Julian Assange’s attempt to tell us how important it is to know what the President of ‘God-knows-which-Land’ thinks about Americans and their bad sense of fashion. We saw the Icelandic volcano erupt, saw Angelina Jolie’s east-worldly babies peeing on camera, heard Mel Gibson scream at his mother on the phone, and the cherry was Ratan Tata talking about his second cousin’s uncle and how his shoes always smell in the room on the telephone. And we took this conversation to court too, to keep our judges interested in Tata’s niece. The poor man is now fighting for his privacy. Nice leaking.

Now trapped between a moribund routine and Archie Mathur’s flaming hot presence in our corridors, I have decided to monopolise this consumer commodity, this populist demand of leaking secrets and overflowing emotions arising from such.

First I needed an important entity that would be affected the most if its idiosyncrasies and quirks are released. Somebody I can focus on and leak stuff about. Wikileaks took America as their target, but the people working there frankly have a lot more money than I have and by the looks of the sex charges, a lot of hot girls too. I on the flip side, am unemployed, broke and sexually frustrated. I thought about big political leaders, film actors, Sachin and for a minute even my maid Sunheri who seems to have a lot of money to spend on jewellery. But then considering my resources and lack of agents and spies, I narrowed down my leaking sphere to the four walls of the college.

Yes, this is why dreaming big never works.

Now to choose a candidate, I thought I should have a genuine interest in him/her. This way there will be less fiction and more fact in the leaks I design. The person has to be important, rich, married and most importantly hated by more than 80% of the people the person knows.

Yes, it had to be the VC. He’s not only on our lips for at least 5 occurrences in a day, but we honestly hate him and I think he hates us too.

And because the VC is always on campus, was part of a government investigation commission once which failed miserably (more on that later), and almost entirely un-intelligent, I thought my one-man-army of a brain would be able to get enough dirt from under his hood.

Now because I hate everyone who is rich and in command of 300 girls out of which at least 3 are hot, I plan to be honest and speedy in my leaking.

The leaks will start anytime now and all you comrades of mine from this yellow stone college will be rewarded with these shocking truths. 

Let the leaking begin.

-The Leakboy

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